Punks - Revolutionary or just full of shit?

I have the misfortune of knowing a number of people belonging to the group calling themselves 'punks,' and let me tell you, if you think being around one of them is bad, what with the awful smell and all, wait till you talk to one. It's as if that smell is invading your brain, slaying the valiant but vastly outnumbered defenders called 'common sense' and 'logic.' If you listen closely, you can hear your brain cells dying from exposure to such idiocy. If you listen to their rhetoric for long enough, eventually what they say will start to make sense to you. This is a sign that your IQ has dropped so low that you no longer qualify even to be an ICP fan, you have to start listening to The Sex Pistols and other bands that sound exactly the same 24/7 and refuse to try any other type of music. You'll be aware of how closed-minded you are, but you'll be too stupid to feel shame over it. You'll eventually rationalize the closed-mindedness as some sort of high minded philosophy and become proud of it (i.e. punk music is the only kind of music with any kind of relevance to the world). Yeah, awesome, you've become a musical jackass, way to go.

Then there is the way that punks choose to present themselves to the rest of the world. I believe I mentione the stench earlier. They consider a point of pride to not bathe, they feel that it sets them apart from the rest of the world. Well, they're right, it sets them apart as people too stupid to be concerned with hygiene (which, as normal people recognize, is one of the first lines of defense against disease). The best part of this is that the punks "hardcore" enough to refuse to bathe are also invariably deeply absorbed in the anarchistic punk philosophy, and think that civilization needs to come to a downfall. Oh, yeah, that's brilliant, poor hygiene and no civilization to allow for proper medical care. My respect for punks (and yours too, I'm sure) grows exponentially with every sentence I type. Well, not really. The good point of this hygiene lack is that maybe they'll all contract horrible diseases and die. That'd teach them all, and it'd make me happy, I'd probably laugh for weeks after. The clothing that punks wear is also quite moronic, not due to any problem with the way it looks, as that is purely a matter of opinion and would therefore be a stupid thing to mock. The problem with punk clothing is the reason for which they wear it. They claim that their clothing is a sign of rebellion, a way to differentiate themselves fro meveryone else again. They also claim that it's a way fhem to truly express themselves. My problem with this manner of thought is that it's wrong. If you disagree with me, you're wrong too, so fuck off, idjit. Here's my (absolutely correct) reasoning. Their clothing looks exactly alike. Every punk dresses the same, it's almost impossible to differentiate between them. How can it therefore be an expression of themselves? Are they all exactly the same or so near to it that when they express themselves all the expressions look the same? Of course not, the main thing they have in common with each other is stupidity and gullibility, they simply immitate each other in an attempt to look cool to each other. Their manner of dress is more a uniform than anything else. And there's the use of the term of it as a 'rebellion' against regular fashion. This is also innacurate, because their manner of dress is designed in such a way as to deliberately look shocking and or abnormal when compared to the norm. This is not true rebellion, because despite their claims, they are still allowing themselves to be defined by society's norms by attempting to be in constant defiance of such norms. So, sorry, but yeah, they're still simply idiots who think they're rebelling.

Of course, the lack of medical care combined with the lack of hygiene is not the only problem with punks' philosophy. These people identify themselves by the music they listened to, as I mentioned earlier. They also claim that their music is one of the most important things in the world to them, and you'll almost never see one without a CD player on them, and yet they continue to call for the downfall of society and technology. That's some great critical thinking skills there, punks. You'll totally continue to have access to music by which you can identify yourself and relate to others of your kind over a wide area when there's no way to facilitate the recording and mass distribution of music.

Now, all these things are stupid, and somewhat irritating, but the most moronic thing about truly "hardcore" anarchistic punks is the manner in which they put their philosophy onto everything. The other day, I was talking to one of them about stuff in general. I asked one of them what he thought of the show "Samurai Jack" (if you needed to click on this link to find out what this show is, you're a heathen, and don't deserve to be reading the pure brilliance spewing from my fingertips, but anyway...), his reply was that he rather liked that show, and he especially liked the whole big metaphor that was in it. I was slightly puzzled. I asked him what metaphor he was talking about, and his reply was one of the most insane things I've ever heard. This is an exact quote: "Isn't it obvious?! Aku is obviously the creator's representation of America and it's evil dynasty, and Samurai Jack himself represents the underground punk movement that I'm a part of that's going to bring it all down." At first I could only gape in utter amazement at what he had said, but, after collecting my thoughts, I asked him how he came to that conclusion. His reply was simply that if I watched the show enough, I would see that he was right. This was not enough to convince me, so I asked him again, and this time he replied that his friends (who are all also "hardcore" punks) all agreed with him. Oh, that's brilliant proof, a bunch of people who think the same as you on many other subjects think the same as you on this one. I'm convinced now, totally. You know, I can't be positive about this even in a sarcastic manner. Just, no. Fuck off. These people sound like Walter in The Big Lebowski with his Vietnam fixation, only even more moronic, and we all know what an asshole Walter is ("we all" meaning those of us who are not idiots).

So, after reading my near incoherent rambling about how horrible punks are, I'm sure you're feeling very enlightened and intelligent. I encourage you to take this knowledge with you into the real world. Any time you're confronted with punks, it'd be a brilliant idea to use this mockery to get them to leave you alone. Simply choose one of my arguments or anecdotes and present it to them in the most belligerent way you can. The punks will be crushed in the unbelievably powerful grip of logic, and will writhe at your feet. There's a total gaurantee that they won't get pissed off and violent or anything. There's no chance that you'll get your ass kicked or killed for trying such a stunt, as punks are far too civilized and intelligent for anything like that. Really. No, it's not that I hate you and am trying to get you to cause yourself grievous bodily harm, calm down. Trust me. :)